I feel like im doing exactly what you said i still have hope which could more than likely be false hope but im soo confused i dont actually know what to do. The time apart made them realize that they where better together. So I know that when I’ve been overwhelmed or stressed by these types of situations it has been tough on the people who love me and want me to be in a good place. It’s so easy to give and give and put the other person first but, you are worth being first in your own life. Would you want someone to give up on you that easily? Say you wish him the best, you think he’s a good guy but the timing is bad and you know he needs space so he can feel good and stable again. In fact, he probably doesn’t even feel he can have a good relationship in his current state. Then the “economy” happened and his clients could not afford his services. . Now he is behind in all of his bills including rent. You need to do your homework and investigate further into his financial plans, philosophy, and practices. Maybe you have some financial secrets you need to be honest about as well. . Well, I won’t leave him and I told him I completely understand his situation and I choose to stay with him. I agree that it is probably best not to remain in limbo, but it would depend on the situation. As soon as he has any money, it is gone. He may still lose his home which has been in the balance for 2 years. But sometimes he’ll send me a text asking me to forget him. The best way you can help is to just be present with them and not need them to be any different. Thank you ladies! JJJ, you are very right, it is easy to give and give and put the other person first. We gals really need to know, this is not a unique situation. He was a great guy before his financial problems. Then, I gave him a surprise meet. He broke up with me over a month ago due to his financial struggle of taking care of himself and his parents, i can see it taking a toll on him we are long distance relationship. But after six months of dating heaven, you discover a problem – his financial situation sucks. I am moving on, but do continue to hope that things improve and that he might come back to me one day. This flippant mentality on relationships is exactly why our divorce rate is so high and our interpersonal relationships are so impersonal. I needed a car asap, found one on Craig’s list, it lasted a month. I have fallen for a fantastic guy who is in a financial “perfect storm”: lost job paying $400K at age 47, trouble finding a new job for a year, finds new job paying $100K (which he hates) and now must rent his million dollar home, sell his boat, try to find a new, smaller apartment, get rid of many of his things, and is looking for a new job. As women, we have the capacity to be smart, articulate, thoughtful, loving, giving, and DEMANDING. So I said “ok.” I asked him to dinner, and said that we’ll use my gift certificate… he said “maybe.” Then the night before dinner, I still didn’t get a yes or no response from him, so I called him, no answer, text him, no response until a few hrs later saying he couldn’t make it to dinner. You don’t need to talk about it, you don’t need to help with it, you don’t need to reassure him… you don’t need to do anything. And I tell him I will. Things were great in the beginning, we would always go out on dates, talk on the phone. Dating a guy with financial problems that include bankruptcy or foreclosure, you want to discuss what the cause of the bankruptcy or foreclosure was. I think that the more I help him, the more attention he’ll give me. Good luck. I met this amazing man who was very attentive and affectionate to me and we matched up on so many levels. Losing a job once can happen, losing multiple jobs is another problem. The last thing you want to do is marry a person who doesn’t have a financial plan, good financial practices or a financial philosophy that matches yours. . I shouldn’t have sacrificed my own security so my crappy boyfriend could live a cushy life, and be further enabled by me to not make better financial decisions, or actively job-search. His actions are not so much a reflection of how he feels about you but more about how he feels about his situation. As a result, she never really lets go of the relationship even after the breakup. Do what’s is uncomfortable for you: Tell him what you require from a man then, GO YOUR OWN WAY GIRL! Maybe you saw a recent pay stub where he is making more money than he admits to making or caught him withdrawing money from your account, which are all red flags in any relationship. He is constantly spending money while you are more worried about saving. When a guy feels like this, he feels like a huge loser in life. The material on this site may not be reproduced, distributed, transmitted, cached or otherwise used, except as expressly permitted in writing by A New Mode, Inc. However, he suddenly gets laid off from one job to another and gets a bit picky on finding a job so I end up paying the rent, bills and the car. I have several reasons for it, but the biggest one is that women typically know in their heart what they really want to do, but they have mixed emotions on top of what they know to be right in the moment for them. Should someone’s financial ... Matchmaking services and financial experts both stress financial compatibility — with reason given how money problems can destroy relationships. Sometimes he’ll call me asking whether I’m fine or not. I know you want to help, but men prefer to solve things on their own. I met homeboy from my gf job who sell cars, and finally I was able to get me a “reliable car”. Ongoing financial problems can be a sign your partner isn't prioritizing you, Tessina says, and that they lack self control. I’ve been dating someone for a couple months now and, like a lot of people, he is experiencing financial difficulties. We list for you some of the common and not-so-obvious financial red flags—actions, habits and behaviour patterns—that can hint at bigger problems you may or may not be able to rectify in the future. But if you fell in love with someone an then a situation occurs outside of their control and up to that pount things were great and you have to split. I told him to stop helping me and let me sink or swim on my own but he won’t have it. She still wonders about him. I mean I am only his gf, he’s parents should be the one shouldering everything. It sucks that men feel this way. If a person treated you badly or couldn’t commit, that’s one thing. . Which is even more confusing. What throws me off is literally 3 days before this, we were good but a week before our talk, his vehicle broke down where he couldn’t come see me that weekend. If there’s no sign of things improving quickly and completely, then you have to ask yourself if things as they are now are worth staying for… It’s not much but something to buy groceries with etc. Regret that I found someone who accepts and does not give up on me and I might never find something similar again.. Hey Eric, what you are saying hits the nail on the head. Men are constantly fed with impressions that lure them into thinking that self-sabotaging behaviors will reward them and should be pursued. We are both going through financial hardship and I love him to death and would eventually like more out of the relationship. What do I do that is loving and supportive then??? The guy I’m [24F] seeing stole my neighbors package (weed) [27M] then sold it, Ask a Guy (Dating Tips / Relationship Advice for Women): Frequently Asked Questions. I keep giving him outs so he can have his life back and all he says is you are a part of my life and this struggle is for our future. And nobody else could fix it. Dating as a short man: The highs and lows. I’m not sure how long should I wait for him to he emotionally stable. If the guy you’re in love with often asks you to pay the bill, it’s a red flag. If you can figure out the emotional reason, you can begin to come up with alternative ways for him to achieve this same emotional satisfaction. Not until he gets on his feet. Not every guy sees themselves walking down the aisle and this isn't always because of his financial situation. Is your new romance off to a bad start? He also lived 2 hours from me but was always happy to come down here to spend time with me once a week. The downside is that my salary is not sufficient to take care of these things. I met him before these tragedies and we were so close to a loving committed relationship and life was great. I am independent and I have specific standards, i do not wanna waste my time. I haven’t heard from him in a week. But the hardship is making him depressed. There are tons of guys out there who have complexes about their jobs and the amount of money they make and what it “means” about them. Also a few weeks ago he called and had me listen to Chaka Kahn’s ‘Sweet Thing’ which I thought was really sweet so it’s almost like getting mix signals from him. There’s something I like to call “relationship limbo”, where a girl will break up with a guy but not really break up with him in her heart. He just recently began sharing these financial problems with me and I know it’s the reason why he’s been asking me out less than when we first started dating. I am in relationship with my boyfriend for two years. It was up to me to take the actions necessary to bring consciousness to my own situation and resolve the fundamental problem. There have been times that I had been so dissatisfied with my work situation that just thinking about my work made me feel sick to my stomach. Woow. You may be on the same page as far as marriage goes and you may agree that marriage isn't something you want, but that doesn't mean you should be building a future together. We’ve been together for 5 yrs it breaks my hurt whenever i think about him cuz he still has me on his social medias. You need to leave him alone, give him space and let him solve his problem on his own. Jasmine, Let me make a distinction of what I am NOT saying here: I am not saying to reassure him. All texts are contributed by our excellent writers. But I didn’t give him much space. And most of the time he says maybe… then he says he can’t. You found out about a new credit card or a secret bank account. Tonight was the second time (in the past two weeks) that this man has cancelled our plans (made in advance) at the last minute. In our culture, we often think it’s sexist to expect men to be providers — since women are obviously able to make substantial financial contributions of their own. When you love someone, you want to help them. Hey aj, There’s still a part of her holding on – and so the door is never really open for something new. If the person you are dating makes you feel shitty about what you do for a living, make them feel … You don’t own it. Before we even met, he had lost a job and had to temporarily move in with his dad at 32. Because how does a person just recover completely having them around but it also hurts never knowing if hes okay. At first I wanted to wait it out but later I realized that waiting was not a good idea . One of the biggest issues you might face may have to do with money. Not just to better understand how guys feel but to remind myself that it’s not about me and that all I have to do is be there for him. You'd be hard to find someone who didn't have some debt they are paying off. I feel soooo tornn! Not everyone is present enough to see through it all, but the whole job/money and ego/identity crisis is a big illusion that men suffer from. The now-ex-boyfriend can feel it. Give him space to figure out his stuff and commit 100% to being OK with your decision to stay. Vivian. Then after some time, I really gave him some time. Staying physically and mentally fit is important for everyone. I didn’t solve this matter directly. I am not saying to try and solve his problem. There’s little worse than dating a girl who’s broke. On a personal note, I’ve fallen into this type of thinking before. I became so used on being alone and by myself. So I thought he was not interested in me. For the last 2 1/2 years this economy has caused tremendous stress on my man, he has his own business. . He has unstable work, and last month, just before losing his job, he broke up with me. Dating a psychologist comes with lots of preconceived notions that should be sorted out early in a relationship. Tough position because if you stay and tolerate it, then that sets the standard of what you find acceptable and people tend to put in as little effort as they feel they can get away with in relationships. 1 November 2019. And he grew up essentially on a hippie commune, so guy him, this lifestyle has always been the problems and the expectation. How do women support their men in times of work/economic stress??? In fact, I have had situations in my life where I was caught up in my own crap and the relationship I was in just made it tougher to handle my issue – instead of having space to figure it out I felt like I had an additional pressure on me. . Powered by enkimd.com. But about three months back, he started avoiding me. He even wants to still see me from time to time. I am in a very similar situation. Hell, she may even start seeing other people. This can have you questioning what else he is keeping from you. He is not and I don’t know how he will help me so I feel I will end up helping him. is there a way to salvage this relationship? I told him I didn’t want to be friends but to still be in a relationship. I’m not saying that you wouldn’t like him spending money on you, but it has nothing to do with love or that butterflies-in-your-stomach type feeling. I love writing articles to help people free themselves from suffering and have clarity in their love life. He just recently began sharing these financial problems with me and I know it’s the reason why he’s been asking me out less than when we first started dating. He doesn’t have money, doesn’t have a job, and has so many bills to pay for. I can very well relate to you…the job hunting, and all sorts of financial assistance just to help him get through those difficult times. From credit cards to student loan debt, having a manageable amount of debt is perfectly fine. I am a pretty loyal person, so right now I don’t think I could see other people. On his own. We’ve been dating six months and early on he disclosed a few mishaps with money. I know he can feel that I care for him. Now im back on the market car shopping. Because I know it is because of this struggle that he is not pursuing anything with me, which to me is ruining the future for us because I feel sometimes he resents me. Know the signs that it may be time to end the relationship with these 10 dating deal-breakers. 3. Even worse is, if he has a significant amount of debt and has no plan to pay it off. He says I am money focused and care too much about money. Setting up a limit of how much of the money is yours or his to spend freely and an amount that goes towards both the bills can help you come to a mutual agreement on what should and should not be spent. When I feel so overwhelmed and suffocated by my own problems I go completely cold. Since prevention is always better than cure, here are some ways to avoid financial problems in your marriage. Marriage is known to help improve finances and can bring couples closer together as they pool their fund for savings and making plans to invest in their future together. I am not saying to comfort him. Sometimes I’ll ask if he could go out with me and we’ll use the certificates. I have a live in partner and we actually loaned a car, we then talked prior to purchasing it that we should split the bill for paying for it. I think he thinks he is worthless and he is scared that he won’t be able to save enough money for our wedding. He was able to hang on for a while but the last 2 years he could not. If a man child in his 30s and 40s still can’t get it together, he never will. He is older than I and I am a published model. On the other hand, if you accept him, he’ll probably see things for the illusion that they really are. I’m not saying stay in an unhappy relationship but as the wedding vows go, “for better or worse, for richer for poorer”…if you’re gonna bail on someone that easily because their situation is not ideal in YOUR EYES, then maybe YOU are the one who needs evaluating and a wake up call on how you are in a relationship. What should i do if the guy i'm dating is struggling. Before you decide to end the relationship, consider these tips on how to deal with a guy who seems to be on a different financial page with you if you think you are good for each other in other aspects. I’m in a somewhat similar situation. If he gets defensive or just gives you another excuse, then you might want to recommend that he seek help. 5. He said he needs time. So how do we help and support these men? I always threaten him emotionally by crying. If his lack of employment is due to the type of work he does or a recession, you need to express your concerns to him. He assured me that wasn’t the case and he thought he was ready but wasnt. I’ll go online when I have time and try to find something good, if I see something, then I’ll text it to him. God, I get so tired of hearing women attempt to “empower” each other by saying things like “MOVE ON GIRL”, “YOU DESERVE BETTER”, “ONTO THE NEXT ONE” just because a man is going through a rough time. The debt isn’t treated like a big deal. I want to still enjoy my freedom, but I feel that he just wants me around.
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